I never thought that God would have a purpose for little old me. I mean, who am I? Definitely a sinner, a spoiled child with a mean temper tantrum. I'm not good at helping others, I have no eloquence with words. All throughout history, He picked worthy people to be His disciples. He gives pastors a calling to come and preach to lost souls like me.

I am just a follower, I think. I have ongoing insurmountable problems. I am too sensitive and emotional to be any role model anyone would want to look up to, muchless a disciple of Christ.

But I've realized something, my purpose even... and it's been in front of me this entire time. Jesus is our example. Through his ministry, He shared His teachings with love and compassion. Jesus is not a glory seeker, nor am I. He spoke of humility, faith and forgiveness, everything I so strongly follow and believe in. He is our example, and like Jesus, we have to give our best so that other people can see the glory of God. And like Jesus, I think that's what I am doing. Even though there are many people who claim to be much more realistic than I, and many more people who without a thought walk all over this generosity... I will just continue to smile.

Laugh at me, hate me, mock me, strip me down all you want. At His cruxifixion, Jesus died but He died for the good but also for those who berated and tortured Him, and He died refusing to renounce His faith and His beliefs. I think through forgiveness and love and humility and all-encompassing goodness, I am setting my own example and I would like to someday believe that my love has also saved somebody.


I am hurt

betrayed
insulted
and so offended to the point of tears
when a slight annoyance has made a blip on your night, you will sleep comfortably while i am in devastation now. no sleep, puffy eyes and a heart full of rage and bitterness to the ones i've always adored and coddled.
don't shut yourself off and expect me to sit idly by and continue to treat you with the same adoration and utmost concern when all i get back are surface exchanges. when i ask you if something is wrong, you don't have to lie - i'm a bit paranoid but i'm not all that stupid
if something is wrong at least i talk and i feel. i am sick of giving love to people who not once give back.
my emotions are spent
so now i say goodbye. what we had was really great but i can see everything clearly now. this is going to be a good last month and an even greater new year, so please let me have it



My secret nickname for Jason is "sleepyhead" because I always find him dozing off in mid air. He used to have his head on the table but that's improved, so that his eyes are just closed while his body is sitting up straight... I think that's an improvement. His RT scores are low, he barely does his homework, I think he has no concern for doing well. He does not have an attitude because he barely talks except one time when Rayna was watching in class and he actually contributed something (that was his first time!). I think he's smart if he tries, he just needs some motivation.


Marilyn


i don't like this kid.


I've been hibernating for the majority of this summer, mainly due to the cold but partly due to having my weekends constantly tied up. With birthdays upon holidays upon birthdays coming to a wrap, it's time to start going places again.

Just because I'm leaving soon doesn't mean I can't make use of my time left here. These are my months at a glance...

overseas from coast to coast, to find the place i love the most...

  • Jan - BUSY AS F***. Intensives + more classes since Ken is on vacation + make up classes for Lunar New Year + Level Up testing .......... maybe I can squeeze in a Gyeongju or Incheon trip
  • Feb 2-6 - Lunar New Year which means... 5 DAYS OFF! Here I come... Beijing, Hong Kong or Japan. I can't settle on which place I want to go yet
  • Feb 10-19 - Michael Lee comes to visit South Korea
  • Feb 25 - MY LAST DAY OF TEACHING
  • First couple weeks of March - Asia trip, to be determined
  • Mid Mar - Apr - H-O-M-E
  • Apr 10 - 22 - Trip with Vbear


let's see how many I break this year...


  • join a bible study or fellowship in addition to church - something that i can attend regularly so I can give my all to someone who has given me everything
  • get a job suitable to my career - and give back to my parents for everything
  • live a life where everything counts - don't waste away my life on the internet, chatting away on online messengers and trivialities like celebrity gossip. in other words, stop procrastinating and use my time to further my education or skill set (which brings to me to the next one)
  • learn a skill set - Marilyn. i don't care what it is, just SOMETHING. here are some things you can work on: guitar, swimming, snowboarding, learning a language such as Korean, Vietnamese or French
  • do something about my fatty fats - exercise and eat healthier, less expensive food and then i can finally go to the Dominican Republic
it's hard to forecast what my life will be now that it's completely unpredictable. school is finished and I will be back from Korea. i do hope that i get a job but if i get bored... i might wind up in a completely different country again. it's scary having this much freedom in life, but i really hope in my 2011, i live a life worth living.