Will you be my girlfriend?

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When I look at my close lady friends, I realize how far away they are. They are scattered throughout the world. Charis is in Vancouver. Leah is in England. Alex is in Boston. Ira is in Indonesia. Becky is in Calgary. Even locally, my friends are at the opposite ends of Mississauga or in the boonies of North York and Markham (except for you, P.)

I never had a close group of lady friends and it makes me sad. I don't have much of a female influence on my life but it would have been nice to learn how to properly apply make-up. Maybe I would have picked up a sense of fashion. I could have an interest in shoes and learn how to wear heels without wanting to take them off after an hour. We could've baked things together and have slumber parties and talk about our emotions.

This could've been me!

I hate it when girls say they prefer hanging out with guys. I ask, WHY? Sure, they like to do fun things and there never is needless drama but that is just about it. Girls, even the "one of the guy" girls have drama and when they do, a guy will never be there for you emotionally when you need them the most (unless they are trying to hit on you). They will never be able to find the right words to say like girls do to make you feel at ease. However, you can count on them distancing themselves until the drama is over. Then they ask, "Hey, are you okay now?"

It wasn't until now that I realized how much being a girl could be so awesome. There is no repression of emotion, girls hug each other and get excited for each other and be there for each other. The average girl doesn't put each other down or act like jerks or ditch each other. Girls have meaningful conversations. On birthday cards, girls will fill up every inch of empty space with words of love and encouragement while guys just sign their names if they even bother getting you a card at all. You can even count on your enemy girl friend to show up at your party than your closest guy friend.

I really wish I had a group of girl friends but I am so bloody thankful that I have these special ladies in my life. They bring a diverse set of personalities and unique idiosyncrasies that make my life ever so much more fulfilling. Thank you ladies, whoever you may be, for your moral support, your late night phone conversations, your riddles and funny anecdotes, your "Lovely!"s, your adventurous spirits, your midnight McDonald cravings, your horrible cooking that makes me need to poop, for thinking of me every time you see Spiderman, for being an amazing travel partner, for bringing me closer to God and for your love and cupcakes.

I am a girl's girl.

Do People Listen Anymore?

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I find that conversations are becoming less and less substantial. We talk but we're not really saying anything. We hear but we're not really listening. Instead of engaging in a story someone is telling you, we are too busy formulating in our minds what we want to say next. Or even worse, we are too busy checking our text messages over our Blackberries instead of giving the person next to you the time of day.

Do you think I am joking? The next time you are with your group of friends and there is a lull in the conversation, just take the moment and observe everyone around you. They are all on their cellphones.

It's not the Blackberries that are ruining our generation, it's the users.

Here is my challenge to you, Hipsters of the modern age: Put away your cellphones when you are out with your friends. Everytime you hear the text tone, ignore it! The world is not going to end if you don't read and reply to your text messages right away. And I don't even know why I have to say this, but STOP TEXTING WHEN YOU ARE DRIVING. It's ridiculously stupid and dangerous, and I swear upon God no text message is so important that you must sacrifice your safety and the safety of drivers around you.

The next time you ask a friend, "How are you?," actually listen to their answer without retreating to your cellphone. No wonder people feel so lonely these days. They are surrounded by people yet none of them are really listening.

Gosh, life always has to have ups and downs doesn't it?

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I was getting used to the "highs" of these last two weeks.


Work has been amazing. For the first time in my life, I am doing exactly what I want to do as a career. And I love it. I just hate that in a couple of weeks, it might all be over. I hate thinking about it and stressing myself at work trying to be the best. When I work, I put my 110% into it (let's just exclude condo, that does not count as work) but I just know the other temps think I see it as a competition.

This one co-worker, I see him competing with me. Today, he got reprimanded at work by management for making many mistakes. He sent me a facebook message an hour after we left for work explaining how he looked for other errors and then proceeded to point out my mistakes. "Just wanted to share," he concluded.

It bothers me so much. I don't know if he is intentionally trying to put me down and I hope that is not the case. If he wants me to look bad just so he can get a bloody job, then take it. I don't want to resort to this ugly pettiness, it just makes a person's character so repulsive. I hope I am wrong about this.

Thank God For You

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Sometimes when you don't see people for a long time, you fall into this state of loneliness. But when you call upon those who are closest and dearest to you, they lend out their support and it just leaves you so speechless.


I am so touched and I feel so undeserving. All I can say is, thank you.

November 13, 2011 I was baptized at Portico Community Church in the loving presence of my parents (as well as friend's parents), close friends and members of the church. It is a day I will never forget and cherish forever.

I PASSED.

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God is good! After many laborious hours of studying and all of the cram snacking that's made me fatter... thank GOD I passed.


Although I am sick and bedridden, I can't help but feel super amounts of joy. I am not exactly where I want to be just yet, but it feels liberating enough to know I am heading in the right direction.

I learned this week to not have expectations, great things will come when you least expect it.

Bye

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This has been a really tough week where I've had to face a lot of demons.

I try my best to shield myself from pain. Whether it's being not invited to things, I just try to smile and let it go. I don't want to make a big commotion about things. Or when people call me the fat girl like its a normal thing. Or when my brother constantly tortures me or tells me to leave the house... I don't say anything back. I try not to let it affect me but the more this stuff happens, the more I am convinced it is personal against me.

It's nice to have someone reach out to you once in a while, but I just wish they would stay with you. I do my best not to act irrational or get angry without any good reason. Sometimes I feel like I have to hang on to something that doesn't need me or want me anymore. So I will stop getting in everyone's way. It sounds stupidly pathetic but ever since I've come back, I've felt like a burden to everyone, my friends and especially my family. I am not going to force my way into people's lives and I don't expect anyone to include me in theirs. No feelings hurt, no resentment, no drama. I love you but goodbye.

Outing Woes

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This is why I hate my birthdays.


Every year, I get excited at the prospect of inviting all of my friends to do something that I like to do for a change. Every year, half the people show up while others give me bogus reasons not to show.

The main two reasons is they:
a) Don't feel comfortable with the other people, and
b) They don't want to do the activity - but "they'll come after." Michael Luong, I know we coincidentally had this happen last night but believe it or not, I am not talking only about you. Everyone does this.

I don't want to say I am adventurous, but I certainly do a lot of things I don't want to do. I don't enjoy doing a lot of normal activities (dancing, swimming, sports, rock climbing, clubbing, going to the beach, eating dinner one on one, eating out in general, hanging out with people I hate <- I do this often) but I would do it for someone that I cared about. Otherwise, everytime someone would ask me to something outside of my comfort zone, my answer would always be, "No."

So why is it that I always have to say, "Yes" to you where you guys always have the option to say, "No" to me?

I agree, my interests are different from those of my friends. I enjoy karaoke, going to festivals, playing boardgames, drinking beer, eating wings, church, library, coffee shops, science centre, the zoo, sightseeing, roadtrips and throwing special types of parties. No one shares my enthusiasm for anything. And if someone does, there's not enough people to make it really fun. It makes me so sad.

That being said, with friends who always say, "No" to me, there are many who would make sacrifices to do things they wouldn't enjoy on my behalf.
  • Steph travelling all the way with me to Fuji-Q Highland to see the Neon Genesis Evangelion exhibit
  • I can't think of anything else at the top of my head
These people never asked for concessions, they just did it because they knew I wanted to. Thank you.

To everyone else: step outside your comfort zone. And in doing so, you still don't enjoy what you're doing, adjust your attitude and suck it up for the sake of your friends. I won't appreciate you coming out to things for me if you're going to be grumpy about it and ruin everyone's fun. If you do enjoy yourself, even better.