When it comes to a dysfunctional family, the feelings of "happiness" and "love" is an anomaly. When it comes to my family, all reason and reasonable means of communication are thrown out the window. Instead, we scream, we swear at each other, we throw inanimate objects and we slam doors in a huff. All for the most inane of reasons. We stay angry for days, not talking to each other, and when we do, we are cursing each other off. Being on my own for so long, I forgot how hot-headed and temperamental my family is. Is this why my oldest brother decided to cut his family off? Is his psychotic personality a result of growing up in this family environment? Because I remember him being normal when he was younger. Am I going to turn into him in 17 years? Is this why he is bald? All important questions. 

You spend the whole day worrying about trivial things, and then the reality of life happens. People get sick. They get really sick. So I pray for this man I don't even know, I pray with all my heart for this sick man's soul. I pray that he regain his life and live to know Your name, Lord.

FMI PD week is sponsored by the Financial Management Institute and is a conference for members of the financial community in Ottawa. It is held usually the last week of November, and has a host of different speakers every day. 

I just watched Catching Fire and I must say that I'm becoming a big fan of the series. I don't think I'd read the books, but I do like the concept. 

I am so exhausted today. After work, I went to the mall with C for four hours doing some Christmas shopping. It sucks shopping in Ottawa because all the stuff that is your size is sold out. Always. Nothing is ever "in stock." 

Once every 2-3 weeks, we meet up for dinner/scary movie night. We have seen Silent Hill 2, Sinister, Mama, Insidious, Insidious 2 and The Conjuring. Tonight, we watched The Purge. Not really a horror movie, but still entertainingly bad. 

I had a long day at work today. It took me forever to catch up on my e-mails because I was on course for two days. And my workplace is giving me so many responsibilities, I seriously don't know how I can handle them all. They had a $1 lunch today with a hamburger, pop and chips sponsored by CANEX. I ran into my old supervisor and he sat down and had lunch with us (weird. Nice because I adore him, but weird because he was sitting with us kids.) 

So my brother and his family are set on making the move to Ottawa. I just want to scream at them, DONT DO IT!!!! Don't get me wrong, I like this city. It's nice. Just nice. But it's not home to me. I don't feel a part of the community here (and thank goodness for that, because there are A LOT of weirdos here.) Ottawa is vanilla ice cream. It will not disappoint you, but it won't excite you either. 

I've been well. I consider this phase in my life, a catch-up phase. I'm finally finished school, and now I am getting my finances and other aspects of my life in order. 

I am going to start a new collection of posts where I ask some high level questions regarding God and Christianity and begin to provide some answers and explanations.

I don't share this feeling openly, but I want to express it now. From the moment I was baptized, I felt like I started a new life and that all the sins from my old life were washed away and I was made clean and pure again. I remember my old life before coming to Christ and it felt like this: darkness, pain, happiness that was momentary and fleeting, helplessness, loneliness. I can visibly measure the difference between my life in death vs my life in Christ. I can't help but feel a sense of blessing that I can relate to non-Christians because not too long ago, I was there and I had the same burning questions about God, heaven, Christianity, Jesus.

I always have high level questions that are never easy to answer. So I hope that by writing about them, it will prompt someone else to think about the answers, further discuss it and hopefully ask more questions. It is important to keep in mind that we don't have the answers to all questions. Some things are just not meant for us to know. I cannot accept that things happen chaotically in the world with no reason or no purpose. Life is not one big coincidence and I have my personal testimonies to attest that conjecture. But if we can attain a certain amount of understanding on why things happen, I personally think it might bring people closer to God.

My first question was: Why did God create different religions?

The unifying belief regarding most religions is the belief in the one true God. Through Christianity, there is the belief in Christ (the son of God) and Catholicism focuses on Mary, the mother of Jesus. Judaism focuses on the law of the Old Testament in the days of Moses while Islam focuses on the prophet Muhammad.

The answer is this: God did not create the different religions to be apart from Christianity; it was created through the works of man. Take Islam for example. In the beginning, there was Abraham and Sarah and they had no children, but God made a covenant with Abraham that he would have a son.

And Abram said, “You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.” Then the word of the Lord came to him: “This man will not be your heir, but a son who is your own flesh and blood will be your heir.”

For another ten years, Sarah remained childless so she suggested that Abraham have a child with her servant, Hagar. This very sin, the sin of impatience and failing to trust in God, led to the birth of Abraham's first son, Ishmael. God finally fulfilled his promise with Sarah and she gave birth to Isaac when Abahram was 100 years ago. However, this created a split in religions, with people believing that Ishmael was Abraham's true heir and he became the patriarch to what would be the Islamic religion today.

Although people worshiped God, over time, they pick and chose what they believed in and this led to the creation of different sects and denominations. God created Judaism, focusing on the laws and the covenant in the Old Testament. However, the Israelites continually sinned against God, disobeying the Lord and forgetting all the great works that God had provided for them. The old testament was meant to be "prepatory, temporary, limited" and often foreshadowed the coming of the Christ (the Messiah) who would make all things "complete, eternal, universal." But when God sent his son Jesus, people were divided and the Israelites continued to believe that no one else other than the Jews were the "chosen ones" which created the split between Judaism and Christianity.


This led me to ask the next question: Why didn't God step in to stop man from creating different religions?

The simple answer is this: God did not create us to be robots. He gave us free will to make our own decisions and have our own beliefs. Bad things may happen and different religions may arise, but there are things in this world that happen beyond our understanding. We just have to remain hopeful that in the suffering, it may produce faith and bring people back to God.


My last question was: What happens to people in other countries with no access to God?

The answer is this: No matter where you are, God will make his presence known to you. God can come to you in your sleep and completely transform you, as he did with Saul of Tarsus who became Paul the Apostle. For those who have not heard of Jesus, they will be judged by the law of God that would be placed in their hearts.

For when Gentiles who do not have the Law do instinctively the things of the Law, these, not having the Law, are a law to themselves, in that they show the work of the Law written in their hearts, their conscience bearing witness, and their thoughts alternately accusing or else defending them, on the day when, according to my gospel, God will judge the secrets of men through Christ Jesus.

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" - Phillipians 3:14

As per Priscilla's request, I will update my blog (to give her something to read while she's in this totally boring, not awesome at all, country called Korea). This blog will give its readers insight into how very unexciting my life truly is.

I had a pretty good weekend.

Friday. During work, James sends me a text telling me he is in Ottawa. I had plans with Anne, so I couldn't hang out with him for too long. Coincidentally, we ran into Yusef and his friend at the Byward Market eating Beavertails (as all tourists do!).

(L to R: Yusef, James, me, Nova) - Laurier reunion!

Afterwards, Anne and I went to the gym and then we picked up Ha to have apps at our favourite steak place in the market, Luxe. Former favourite steak place, I should say, because the quality of food had declined significantly versus our experience last year. At least I got to use my ID for a 20% discount.

(L to R: me, Anne, Ha) - taking Anne out for her birthday I missed on Labour Day Weekend

It's chaos trying to get parking in the market on a weeknight. I was lucky and someone was pulling out, so I signalled. Then this other douche steals my spot. Ha was in the passenger seat saying, "Let's go key his car!!!" I thought, OK Marilyn, this is your time to be polite and civil, and goodness will reign. I told him that was our spot, and the guy was like, "Oh, really? We didn't know," like a total asshat. I told him we were waiting for it. The other guys were like shrugging, "Sorry, there's nothing we can do." I was absolutely freaking livid on the inside but on the outside, I looked like I was going to cry. On the other side, a car was pulling out and the guys said, "Hey! We'll save this spot for you." So I had to drive all the way around and the guys were fighting off this other car who was trying to get the spot. The car gave up and I got the spot but I didn't thank those jerks because they were jerks to begin with. The rest of the night I was ranting on about these guys and how I was absolutely done with people like that. Fortunately, good company salvaged the night.

Saturday. Me and Bernadette went to our weekly BodyJam class in the morning. We went to St. Laurent for lunch. We usually go to the Zumba class after lunch, but I wanted to rest because I would be running the next day.

Sunday. Army Run day with over 22,000 participants and 5K starting at 8AM. I was really upset because the partner I was supposed to walk with told me last minute that she sold her ticket to someone else. I lucked out because another friend couldn't go and wasn't using his ticket, so I begged Ryan to do it with me because I needed support. I've never run outside and I didn't train for the run but I figured I could try running it as long as someone was with me. It was a little cold in the morning because it rained all night, but it dried up fast and it was perfect running weather. The path was past the Parliament Building and around the canal. The entire time I was telling myself, "Don't stop! You can do it!" and just praying and thanking God for even allowing me to experience this. It was very cool and I definitely want to do a run like that again with people cheering you on along the sidelines.

Dog tag - in the military, they would use these to identify the dead

(L to R): Ryan, me after the 5K run

aka Things That Upset Marilyn About Her Friends

Reference: Luke 18:35-43

Doubt is useful, it keeps faith a living thing. After all, you cannot know the strength of your faith until it is tested

Reference: Mark 6

"Gifts" is supernatural enablement from Holy Spirit. All gifts come from the Holy Spirit and given for the common good. 

One of the things I've had to adapt to is learning when to shut my mouth. I have this need to "talk things out" whenever there is some perceived conflict. Although I still believe in open and honest communication, these types of conversations somehow always tend to go sour. You open the floodgate and all hell breaks loose. There have been many times when I felt the need to tell someone how I really think of them. The optimisic side of me would think, if I confronted the person straight up with no BS and I was reasonable and objective, they would really take it into consideration. The realistic side of me knows now that that scenario would never play out. People are not rational, they are emotional. If you tell a person something they don't want to hear, they bite back. This is why you learn to shut your mouth. It's better to let them behave as they are, because you should feel confident that someday it's going to bite them back in the ass. HARD. You just don't have to do the biting. 

Learning about speaking in tongues...

Part 1: Understanding the Difference Between 3 Baptisms

1. The HOLY SPIRIT baptizes us in JESUS

2. The DISCIPLE baptizes us in WATER

3. JESUS baptizes us in the HOLY SPIRIT

The holy spirit will teach you all things and remind you of all things. He will speak to you truth ans glorify Jesus.

Revelation 19-22

1. How will Jesus return?
- Visibly - Jesus will return on a white horse
- Valiantly - on His head will be many crowns
- Verbally - His name is the word of God. Coming out of his mouth will be a sharp sword that will strike down the nations
- Vengefully - He will not be mild and meek. He will not be coming like a lamb, but like a lion
- Victoriously - He will be the victor

2. Where will Jesus return?
- Mount of olives

3. What about the battle of armageddon?
- Day of vengeance
- antichrist will go and attack Jerusalem but Jesus will come, speak the words, and be victorious

4. What is the Millenium?
- 1000 year reign of unprecedented peace on earth
- satan will be bound in the bottomless pit

5. What happens at the end of the Millenium?
- satan will be released for a short time
- the devil will be thrown into the lake of burning sulfur for eternity

6. What is the Great White Throne Judgment?
- The Judge - The Father judges no one, but has entrusted all judgment to the Son. There are no appeals. It is the final judgment
- The Judged - anyone who's name is not on the Book of Life will be thrown into the lake of fire. These are the unbelievers, the liars, the sexually immoral
- The Judgment - hell

7. What is Hell
- Hell is a fact - it is not a symbol, not a myth, not a joke. It was created for satan but unbelievers will end up in the same place
- Hell is a furnace - lake of fire, a blazing furnace
- Hell is forever - you will be tormented forever for all ages without end
- Hell is friendless
- Hell is a place of feeling - they will be thinking about their loved ones in heaven

Bless you Lord for my Ottawa friends. I am truly thankful for introducing me to some people who are caring, considerate and thoughtful. These are good people.

The Economy/Religion of the Last Days

Revelations 6

9 Characteristics...

1. It will be the primary FOCUS of the world's ATTENTION
- antichrist will solve the economy's crises and feed the starving masses

2. It will centre on OIL
- The middleeast is important to the world

3. It will have an EMERGING LEADER
- antichrist will formulate economic policies to control the world
- You will receive the mark of the beast to represent worshipping the antichrist. We are going towards a cashless society with the greater use of microchips. Technology will make this happen

4. It will be WELCOMED by the world
- This will be portrayed as the solution to everyone's problems
- 3 1/2 years in, he will go into the temple and pose as god and the last 3 years will be like hell on earth

5. It will be CASHLESS
- Having a microchip will allow you to track everything

6. It will be UNIVERSAL
- It will be there for everybody but not everyone will take it. If you do not, you will be beheaded
- Do not wait to accept Jesus after the rapture

7. It will use TECHNOLOGY

8. It will give a false sense of SECURITY

9. It will be DECEPTIVE
- The deceiver showed up in the garden of eden and he will come back to deceive you again


3 Characteristucs of the Religion in thr Last Days
Revelation 17

1. Babylon is a RELIGIOUS system, worldview and spirit... a ONE-WORLD religion that unites the world
- Not all religions are the same that leads you to one God
- The only way to God is through Jesus

2. Babylon refers to a society that excludes GOD and elevates MAN
- Every false religion traces back to Genesis 11:1-9 through the Tower of Babel

3. The last days religion will be a MIXTURE of all religions with a NEW AGE-ism that appeals to man's PRIDE and intellect
- There will be a spiritual adultery
- The new religion will blend all religions
- The bible is the one word and we serve a living God and Savior
- Challenge people to read the word of Jesus, reading it from cover to cover

I've finally settled into my new place. There is no cleaning that needs to be done. No heavy lifting, no unpacking, no setting up furniture, and no bloody shelf lining! Year end is over. There is a little break from the stresses of CMA. I can finally relax and enjoy my new place (and my new Poang).

Winter is over and it's time to change up some unhealthy habits. No more fast food, no more drinking. It's also time to clear my mind and start fresh. I've been trying so hard to make certain things happen and sometimes you have to just stop and let it run its own course. You can't always have your way or force something when it just isn't working. I am sick of feeling down about myself when I have nothing to feel down about. I need to have a healthy, positive attitude and it starts now.

The next event is the rapture of the church.

Today's climate: people want to hear what they want to hear.

Jesus was full of truth and full of grace.

Revelation 4

1. The 24 Elders
- In heaven, 24 elders were dressed in white and seated on different thrones.
- They represent Jesus Christ

2. The 144,000
- These are Jewish people
- The seal protects these from the Anti-Christ
- There will be a powerful delusion that will sweep over the earth

3. The Two Witnesses
- First 3.5 years, two witnesses will prophecy
- If anyone tries to harm them, fire will come out of their mouths
- When they are finished prophesing, the beast will devour them
- For 3.5 days, people will gaze on their bodies and refuse to bury them
- Inhabitants of earth will gloat and celebrate because they have tormented those on earth
- Breath of God brought them back to life and sent to heaven in a cloud

4. The great dragon
- satan only speaks lies. he knows no true and speaks no truth
- Jesus and his angels fought the dragon and won
- The great dragon was hurled down

5. The antichrist or beast
- satan is a copycat and tries to copy and mock Jesus
- he will make a pact with Israel
- the beast comes out of the sea with 10 horns that represent 10 kingdoms
- looked like a leopard with feet of a bear and a mouth of a lion
- people will believe he is the answer to all of life's problems
- one of the heads seemed to have a fatal wound but the fatal wound has been healed
- but satan does NOT have the power to raise the dead. this will be a DECEPTION. only GOD HAS THE POWER TO RAISE THE DEAD

6. The false prophet
- dragon mocks the Father
- beast mocks Jesus
- the false prophet mocks the Holy Spirit

7. The Angels
- The Angels were covered with eyes
- Like a lion, ox, man and flying eagle = Jesus
- We don't worship man, angels, or saints. We worship Jesus Christ

8. THE LAMB
- The lamb of God is the centre, the main attraction and it is Jesus Christ
- The 24 elders laid their crowns before Jesus's throne
- There was a scroll with a seal on it. They looked at who could break the seal. There's no one who could open the scroll. The lion is able to open the scroll. John saw a lamb looking as if it had been slain (Jesus still bears the wounds) but is not dead!
- The Church fell down before the lamb
- The day of the Lord is coming for his Church
- Angels are guarding you and protecting you

We will discuss Revelation, the last book of the bible that will account for the last days.

HOW WILL IT HAPPEN?

1. The removal or the rapture of the church
- Jesus will take His church

2. The judgment seat of Christ for Believers
- It is a judgment about your motives, your actions and your deeds
- Now. we worship Jesus by faith. When we get to heaven, we will worship Jesus face to face

3. The revealing of the Anti-Christ
- The world will be in chaos and the anti-christ will want to bring everyone together

4. The 7 Years of Great Tribulation
- Antichrist will solve the middle east crisis for 7 years in a "peace pact"
- Jewish temples will be allowed to rebuild temple
- Antichrist will walk into the temple, exalt himself as god an his true colours will come out
- Mark of the beast to help you function in society
- New world order - religion of satan
- Last 3 years will be like hell on earth

5. The Second Coming of Jesus Christ

6. The Battle of Armageddon
- Final battle with antichrist and his army will attack Jerusalem but Jesus and His army wins

8. Satan is freed for a short time at end of the millenium
- Bible says satan will be tortured in the end after he is thrown into the lake of fire. If satan reminds you of your past, remind satan of his future

9. Great White Throne Judgment
- Those that don't know Jesus as their personal lord and savior will not have an eternity of life
- Hell was not meant to be for people, it was meant for satan

10. First Heaven and Earth destroyed

11. The New Heaven and Earth for Eternity

SO WHAT IS THE NEXT EVENT ON GOD's PROPHETIC TIME TABLE?
The removal, the taking of the church.
- The universal church, all of mankind who know Jesus as their personal lord and savior
- The church will be removed and taken to a safe place. These people will be instantly taken to heaven, and passed away before the rapture. Their soul will be with Christ
- Some will abandon their faith and follow deceiving spirits. You have to remember: Jesus is the ONLY way to God the Father

I've been focusing on a lot of confusing thoughts these days. It's given me this sense of urgency to put myself out there and lay my heart out on the line.

What does the bible say? The clear answer is to be patient and not to rush into things. In Genesis, the LORD made a covenant with Sarah that her and Abraham would bear a son. For many years, she waited and waited and it never happened and she grew impatient. She then insisted her handmaiden, Hagar, to conceive a child with Abraham and they bore the son, Ishmael. Sarah then resented both Hagar and Ishmael and suffered the consequences of her impatience. Ishmael was not the promised child, but the LORD promised to multiply his descendants (sidenote: this is where Christianity and Islam split). Years later, Sarah finally bore the promised son, Isaac and in her old age, she laughed. If she had been patient to begin with, she wouldn't have had to go through the hardship involving her handmaiden Hagar and Hagar's son, Ishamel and she wouldn't have been filled with so much bitterness and hatred. The LORD wants us to be patient and be obedient to Him.

What should I do? Proverbs 16

To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue.

I can try and plan out my life from beginning to the end. I have the freedom and dominion to make my own decisions. However, no matter how much I plan and no matter what I do, the LORD controls my fate. So never act out of feeling, act out of faith.

All a person's ways seem pure to them, but motivates are weighed by the LORD.

We live by the laws and morals of this earth, but these laws and morals mean nothing unless they come from the LORD.

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.

Whatever you do, keep your promises to God and trust that He always has the best plans for you - even if you don't understand his plans, even if you have to wait patiently for a long time like Sarah did, even if it means pain and hardship for now.

The LORD works out everything to its proper end - even the wicked for a day of disaster.

Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.
Don't act on your feeling or emotions. Be patient and in that time of waiting, you may be surprised to learn something new from God that may alter your decision.

The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD.
God is in control of everything. You make decisions, you use your intelligence, you use your skill and you act upon it. But the results of the actions, all of the good things, they come from God. Bad things can come from God too. There is no good that comes from evil, and if you think there is, then it is not good and you are being deceived. Be careful because the devil tricks us in so many ways. If you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump right out of there. However, if you put a frog in tepid water and turn up the heat slowly and gradually, the frog will sit there until its skin burns off. The frog does not know what is happening to him, and that's exactly how the devil operates with us. In your lifetime, you will be tempted, you will be lied to, you will be persuaded and you will be corrupted. Know that all good things come from God and God only and do not be corrupted by the ways of the earth because there is only one way: God's way.

These are some powerful scriptures.

"Many words mark the speech of a fool" - Ecclesiastes 5:3

"It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin" - Ecclesiastes 5:5-6

"The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words. The speech of a good person is worth waiting for; the blabber of the wicked is worthless" - Proverbs 10:19-20 MSG

We have to be careful with our words. Let's make everything we say, count.

Question: What's up?

True story

Too soon, guys?

Maybe this is a tad stereotypical of sororities...

I am glad we didn't have a freshman mixer. I would've hated it.

I discovered Bitstrips.com. You can create and customize your own characters (Sims style!) and make cool looking comic strips. I decided to make a comic strip about a story I have been working on since high school, called "First Day of My Life." It is a drama/comedy about a bunch of good looking people and their life at university. Clearly, there's nothing original about this but to be fair, there were no TV shows about university or community colleges back in 2004.


This is one of the main characters, Dacey. She is pretty depressing.



The other main character is Peter. He is less depressing. If you substitute pop-tarts for ice cream, this would have been a truly accurate story.

Hope you enjoy and not make fun of me too much! Any funny ideas for comics will be greatly appreciated.

Today I ventured out in the snow storm to volunteer at a women's transition house. I helped this young lady with her assignment in her business administration course which was a... surprise! CASE ANALYSIS (so basically the sole thing we slave over in the CMA program.) 

What is being a tutor like?
Joyful, challenging, occasionally frustrating, sometimes tiring, occasionally boring, rewarding and, really, mostly wonderful!

Capital budgeting decisions concerns investments that spans over multiple periods. So how do you evaluate which investment is the best to undertake? One method is called Net Present Value (or NPV). This method takes cashflows over multiple periods and discounts them at a rate (discount rate or k) to measure how much money you would get today. As long as your NPV > 0, you should invest in the project because it means your return is higher than the cost.

It's nice to see that I've managed to stick with some of my older resolutions.

• Read the bible every day
• Go to the gym at least 3x a week
• Take guitar lessons (have I been saying this for the past 5 years?)
• Do not watch TV episodes more than once
• Read more
• Give CMA all you got
• Be less attached to my phone
• Accept every compliment someone gives you

What is a vesting period?

Sparkling champagne, bruschetta, boardgames and Nelly Furtado's big fur hat. I couldn't have asked for a better New Year's. Okay, maybe one where I get a kiss but that time will come in time.


Memorable Moments of 2012

3 Workplaces, 3 Locations

• Rothsay (Hamilton) - The commute was long. Their ERP system looked like MS-DoS with a black background and green text. All their files were stored in banker's boxes. The entire accounting staff was over 50. It was a short but memorable two weeks
  
• IHMG (Toronto) - I miss working these weekends
  
• Kraft Canada (North York) - 2 hour daily commute in the most aggravating traffic of your life on the 401. How can I complain? My dream job working for my dream company, getting free stuff and getting fat off trying new products. I learned so much in so little time. If the work environment weren't so intense, I would have stayed
  
• Government (Ottawa) - If someone asks me where I work, I should only technically say, "the government" and if someone asks me what do I do, I say, "work for the government" (even if I am just a janitor). I packed up my bags and headed to Ottawa, the world's coldest capital. Safe, small, slow - three things I love in a city!