When it comes to a dysfunctional family, the feelings of "happiness" and "love" is an anomaly. When it comes to my family, all reason and reasonable means of communication are thrown out the window. Instead, we scream, we swear at each other, we throw inanimate objects and we slam doors in a huff. All for the most inane of reasons. We stay angry for days, not talking to each other, and when we do, we are cursing each other off. Being on my own for so long, I forgot how hot-headed and temperamental my family is. Is this why my oldest brother decided to cut his family off? Is his psychotic personality a result of growing up in this family environment? Because I remember him being normal when he was younger. Am I going to turn into him in 17 years? Is this why he is bald? All important questions.
I am laughing right now but I am sad. Really really sad. Merry Christmas, I guess? What's different now is that I now understand that my family is just like this and instead of trying to fight it, I am just laughing at it because that's all you can do. When they say hurtful things, remember that it's only out of anger and there is no shred of truth in it. The devil wants to put you down and make you fight back, scream, throw things, curse and say hurtful things back at the people you love. But what if you just walked away from the situation and let it cool down? Makes for a congenial environment.
On to a positive note, I am home for Christmas, my loves. Play with me.
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