I spent the entire day today trying to pull reports without access, when all I could have done was ask this girl to connect under her log-in. One time, I drove out of my way to get home because I felt bad about cutting in line to make a right turn. On a plane ride to Korea, I didn't get out of my seat once to pee because I didn't want to disturb the old man sitting next to me. I hate asking for things, acting greedy, or being troublesome for someone else. Needless to say, I create more trouble for myself than I save for other people.
The more concern you give to other people, the more you feel like you don't deserve anything. But we forget this one thing: above all, God wants us to look out for ourselves before we can help other people.
"Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit?" - Luke 6:39
A part of helping ourselves is to have the ability to ask for what we want. I have trouble with this and it stems from being spoiled as a child.
Barbie gymnastic? Got it.
Barbie dentist? Got it.
Barbie teacher? Got it.
Let's just say, it's safe to say I had all the barbies that were released from 1994 to 1996. Don't even get me started on the Polly Pockets! When I was a kid, I got everything I ever wanted - and I lived in low-income government subsidized housing with a family who escaped Vietnam on a boat. When I grew a little older and realized how lucky I had been, I stopped asking for things. And even now, surrounded by a group of people I've come to care deeply about, I still feel uncomfortable asking for things. Why? I feel I don't deserve it. What was supposed to be humble has now transpired into an act of self-deprecation.
Many times, I lack confidence and I ask myself, "Why am I so lonely?" or "Why do bad things keep happening to me?" I feel down about things and yet, #1) I don't do anything about it, and #2) I don't ask God because I feel like good things should not always happen to me. Wrong. All you have to do is ask. And then you wait. It might take a minute, it might take a day, it might take 10 years, but you wait and you patiently listen and observe what happens. He answers, all the time. All you have to do is ask.
Of course you don't believe it. Here's a test: write down a list of things you would like to happen. These are called prayer requests. Then, you pray. You don't have to kneel or say it out loud, or recite, "Our father who art in heaven" or even close your eyes. Just present your fears and worries to God from your heart with the right motives and ask him for what you want. It must be realistic, you can't expect him to allow you to steal or move a mountain for you. He will definitely answer your prayers but you might not get the answer you want. Sometimes he will say, "No" and it is not because he hates you but because he loves you. You will understand with time and patience why he has to shut some of the doors in your life.
We were not created to endure a life full of suffering. If you are feeling down, just try praying or at least allow someone to pray for you. I challenge you: write down your requests and see him answer every single one of them.
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