by

can i bare my heart, my soul to you just for a moment?

at this very moment, there is nothing more that i want than to stay here forever. i can bare a life of mediocrity, if it means i can stay at the only place i'll ever call home with the people that i love. i never have to find a husband and i may have many regrets,  but i think i will be happy. if i can just throw it all away and stay, i would because i don't think i am ready to leave. the time is right, the opportunity is right, but i am not right and i am clinging for my dear life here.

i am so scared because i am throwing myself into the deep end here. i am throwing myself into an unknown and i could either be very happy or i could end up miserable. it's scary enough that i've turned 25 and although i know i've accomplished so much, it feels like i've done nothing.

the difference between now and then when i left for korea is that i was younger. i spent my 1 year living an amazing adventure, knowing that i will be back and knowing that i would have time to set my life straight. now that it is straight, i yearn for more adventure but if i end up hating it, i would've wasted another two years of my life and i will be 27 with no money, no career and no family.

i was not petrified until today when the realization hit me like a rock. i am leaving and there's no going back now.