Dear __________,

You were one of my best friends. When I pictured my wedding, I pictured you standing there next to me as one of my bridesmaids. We've both changed so much since that time.

You've always put your needs in front of others. Since I can remember, you have always been in a relationship and never gave your friends the time of day. The day the break-up happened, you ran back to everyone expecting them to accept you back after all of the years of neglect.

You've hurt me a lot through the years. The breaking point was on my birthday when I was feeling down and instead of giving me support, you kicked me while I was already on the ground. If you call that tough love, I don't want it. You butted into my affairs with others and I tried to open up to you and explain how I was feeling, but you took his side.

Since then, you've become more and more fake and superficial. You became best friends with a close friend that I introduced you to, and all of you began to party together without me. Was this out of spite? Am I not cool enough? That year, I lost so many friends and I felt so alone. What have I ever done to you to make you want to hurt me like this?

Even though I buried the hatchet a long time ago, it seems like you still have a stick up your bum and I don't know why. If I held a grudge, I should still be mad at you. I'm not mad and if you act like a bitch because you think I hate you, consider the fact that maybe I only hate you because you act like a bitch. Remember all of those fun times we had together? I spent the best week of my life with you and it was the best because you were there with me. But all I get from you now are fake smiles and fake laughs. We talk without really talking. I miss the old you and if there is any way you could swallow your pride and really open up to me, fake smiles aside, maybe we could be friends again.

I know you feel alone. But you don't have to.

Sincerely,

M

You may have noticed that I have deleted you off my facebook. You probably haven't.

I want to let you know that you hurt me. I considered you a good friend before I left for Korea and I would like to know what changed over the year. You've always been the person to tell me your problems and I was always there for you at your lowest. I enjoyed our late night conversations, but I always wondered if you just came to me because you considered me a "bad influence." Maybe you told me things you felt guilty about because you know I wouldn't judge you like your other friends would. Even if that is the case, I am glad you felt comfortable around me enough to confide in me.

All year, you said you couldn't wait to see me when I came back. Was that just pleasantries? On several occassions, I tried to meet up with you with no answer or no reply. I understood we both had busy lives and we were both in and out of the country at the time, but we couldn't schedule one late night coffee shop meeting? It became ridiculous. You did not answer your texts or facebook messages.

Then, I texted, "You are an awful friend."

FINALLY, I get a response. But the response was not like, "I know, I'll try to make it up to you, I just have some serious stuff going on right now" to which I would reply, "I'm so sorry, I hope everything is okay and I'll speak to you soon okay?"

The response was, "Maybe but I have bigger problems to deal with like ____ in the hospital"

That came out of nowhere. Using guilt as a weapon is a dangerous thing. It hurts friendships. When people are sick, you don't use that as an excuse to make people feel sorry for you muchless make people feel guilty.

If you were so busy, then why do I constantly see you messaging others on twitter, facebook, and posting things about Vancouver Canucks? You obviously have your priorities, but if you are going to use your family issues to justify not being able to answer one text message, then maybe you are an awful friend.

When you came back to the country, you texted me to let me you know you were back and you haven't forgotten about me. This was in June. I haven't heard from you since.

I have a lot of things to talk to you about too. I have a busy schedule too but it's all about making that effort. If you couldn't spare 2 hours of your life for a coffee chat, that's fine, but not being able to spare 2 seconds to message back after my many fruitless efforts to contact you? Not cool.

Sincerely,

M

Remember how I visited my old house last week?

Well... now it's a crime scene.

I'm a practical person, which in translation means I am poor and cheap. Now before you start

comparing me to hungry children in Africa, know that I mean comparatively to those we know. I visited my old house today and although I felt super awkward just standing in the parking lot as the black neighbourhood stared at me, I was just happy to be "home."

Everyone who knows me knows that my humble beginnings started at Jane & Finch where I've spent the happiest majority of my childhood. I didn't know rich or poor, I just played with my barbies, ate McDonalds (I used to be skinny once, I think I was 6) and went on cool adventures in the ravine with my friends.

Not until I moved to Mississauga did I know that homes didn't all have a ridiculous amount of rodents and cockroaches. The first time I stepped on carpet felt like heaven. The bathroom was so...clean.

I have old parents and they've been through a lot of hardship to get to this paradise. They've been through so much hardship, they never let you forget it. It humbles us. I grew up feeling privileged, getting all the toys I wanted and never having to work for it as hard as my parents did.

Up until University, I never spent much. I did use all my saved up babysitting money to treat myself to a Gameboy so that I could play Pokemon Blue. All of my clothes up until middle school were my brothers' hand-me-downs. I never got a cellphone until I was 20. I never had that much, nor did I need it.

Living by yourself changes all of that. Without the nagging and consequent guilt-tripping, by University, parents have little control over what you spend on. What else? You have to stay on par with all of your friends (who don't like to admit it, are rich and can afford crap). After all, I didn't want to miss out on the fun because of money. I ate out a lot, ordered Pizza Pizza and Swiss Chalet, bought two laptops and two MP3 players, ordered $70 Forever21 shipments once every two weeks to get my free shipping, drank alcohol, went clubbing, gave my closest friends $100+ birthday gifts. I didn't work during University and all of that money depleted.

Post grad, I moved home for a bit and saved up some cash from Honda and then I moved to Korea. Needless to say my spending habits worsened. I went to Holly's Coffee everyday, ate out 95% of the time, bought clothing, bought stupid amounts of junk, travelled to every city, attended every festival/event, drank and partied and travelled to other countries. All of those $30 rib dinners at Miller Time, $100+ club nights in Hongdae, $50 in KoRail tickets and taxi fares really add up. After my post travel-travel-travel, I faced the very real and very scary realization that I was broke.

As silly as it sounds, I forgot I was poor. I always had everything I needed and I always had employment income in my bank account. I never saved a dime nor did I ever think, "Can I really afford eating at Moxies today?" Now I have student debt, that of which I have paid off $0 for. No wonder my family hates me. This type of behaviour would've never held up in poor working-class Vietnam. My ancestors are rolling in their graves.

What's worse, my friends have adapted to the misleading fact that I have money. Sadly, people love going out for their dinners and I've never been the one to say, "No" but I just don't have the choice anymore. I feel guilty that I can't be at par with my friends. I know by now when people ask me to do something and I say, "Can't. No money" they just groan and roll their eyes. Friends, I tell you this: I love eating out. I love buying things and if I could, I fucking would. I have serious debt to pay and my parents, remember, get their income from government payments plans. I don't have back up, it's just me. Not only that, I was unemployed for a good 6 months at the worst of times. Now that I have a job (job, not career), people assume I can start spending now. I'm not Germany, in the midst of an economic crisis, I can't just print legal tender and pretend that I can afford things. There's a reason I'm out of my own economic crisis now and it's because of smart financial planning and careful spending. I would like to keep it that way.

I would like to end off saying this: I know I am not alone on this matter. Many of you face financial burdens yourself, whether its OSAP loans, outstanding credit card statements, bills, gas, rent, car payments, maybe even mortgage payments for some of you. At the same time, many of you, without even realizing it (like me), forget they are middle-class poor and spend frivolously. Think about your habits: all of those Starbuck coffees, restaurants, clothing, clubs, shoes, technological gadgets, casinos - are they really necessary? The first step of solving any problem is admitting you have a problem. We have control over our spending and for some of us, it's time to grow up and realize the importance of saving for yourself. Your parents aren't going to provide for you forever (and would you seriously want them to?).

To the man who made every technological thing I own.